Monumental 5k

On November 5, I ran my first race since getting covid and dealing with long haul, and my first non-virtual race since the pandemic. It was way more emotional than I anticipated so I thought I’d process some of that here.

Some background

• In 2011, I lost over 75 pounds.
• In 2012, I ran my first half marathon then started crossfit.
• I’ve since ran 15 halves and one full and am over halfway to my goal of running in every state (plus every country I visit).
• My weight has fluctuated a bit throughout all that, increasing when the pandemic hit. 
• I got covid in March 2021 the day before my age group became eligible for the vaccine. I had long haul symptoms for a solid nine months and was diagnosed with “exertion intolerance.” Basically doing any exercise put me on the couch the rest of the day. It led to depression and about 40 pounds of weight going back on. Ten years of work felt totally erased.
• This year, I’ve been getting back into working out. Some stuff came back relatively easy, like weightlifting, but some stuff is still challenging, like running. My average pace has been 2-3 full minutes slower and I’ve only ran 5 miles twice since getting covid.

Some good things from race day… 

The forecast was rainy with 14 mph winds. Outside of temporarily forgetting how to dress—it’s been three years since my last non-virtual race—the weather didn’t even phase me. I’ve ran in worse for longer distances. 

I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to race again after getting covid, but I was excited once I got moving. It felt great to push myself again and feed off the energy of the community. 

Me at this same weight back in 2010 before I originally lost it all never would have been out there doing a 5k. I could have walked that distance but not run it, and not likely at the pace I finished in. 

…and some other thoughts

I was on the verge of tears several times that morning, but started actually crying when I saw my time. On one hand, I’m super proud of the pace I hit. I haven’t been timing myself much but when I have, it’s been 11:00 minutes or slower. Hitting a 10:21 average and feeling like I had a little more in me is unreal, especially thinking about where I’ve come from since the exertion fatigue diagnosis.

But 10:21 for a 5k?! And the fact that I was even running the 5k and not the half?! Pre-covid I would have been so disappointed in that. 10:00 used to be my warm up/chill pace so I would have pushed for a lot faster. 

I didn’t wear a watch. I thought about it at the last minute but it wasn’t charged, which I think ended up being for the best. I let my body run what it felt like it could rather than being wrapped up in all that. 

I got hyped when I made the final turn and realized I had enough left to sprint. But then equally disappointed wondering if I could have pushed it more throughout and finished with a faster overall time. But that’s how it always goes and something I would have been battling even without the covid of it all. Go out too hard and you may not be able to hold on. Reserve too much and get upset that you could have finished faster. 

At the end of the day, I know I should be proud—full stop. I’m working to get there and quit comparing myself to my past. I want so badly to feel like “me” again, but maybe I need to redefine what that even means. I went through something life changing so I literally need to change my expectations of life. For now, I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me.

Some thank yous

• Dwight: My brain is a scary place and you have to hear me overanalyze everything and be overly critical of myself day in and day out. Thanks for always listening. 
• Dad: Every race, no matter how big or small, you are by your phone waiting to hear how it went. Sorry this time it was mostly just me sobbing. Covid has turned me into a crier but that convo felt like almost 1.5 years worth of emotions releasing.
• Sarah and the team at Myo-Fit: I would be in way worse shape without our monthly maintenance appointments and pre/post-race tune ups. 
• Bri, Brian, and Laura: Thanks for waiting in the rain to watch me finish. It was a super fun boost at the end. And congrats Brian and Laura on your own race!